just writing to say goodbye.

You're the only one who reads my blog, so I was just writing to say goodbye. I'm sure you wont get this for a couple of days, but I think the only way I am going to be able to move on is to just try to forget about everything completely. Laurie wanted me to call her later this week to check in on me so I plan on doing that, but I don't plan on checking my facebook anymore...it's just there for you to look at the pictures if you want. I am going to move all of our pictures to an external hard drive and off my computer, so I'm not tempted to look at them anymore. It hurts so bad to see you and know your not mine. I am so happy for all the times we've had and shared and that you've been able to blossom the way you have. I just want to forget it all though. Every time I think of you I get a clenched stomach and as you've heard sometimes I begin to dry heave. The only way to make this pain go away is to forget. I didn't tell you on the phone, but when I was talking to Laurie I told her that all I wanted was to just go to a bar and get sauced to drown out the pain. I told her not to worry about that, I know the road that leads to and I'm not interested, but it's just such an easy means to an end...you know. I wish there was the machine that's in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind that erases memories. It just makes me feel like crying knowing that my chances of having memories with you like the ones before are slim to none. I don't know what I could have done differently. I honestly feel like the giving tree where you've taken everything away from me except my trunk. I have nothing left to give except a place to sit, and even that's deteriorating quickly from all the "bugs" that are attacking me. I gave you my heart and soul I have nothing. Right now I don't even have anything to give to anyone else. The only way I can get my pieces back is by forgetting. Once enough time has passed I may be able to open up those old pictures again or relive the forgotten memories, but that is an unknown length of time. I wish only the best upon you. Good luck with your nursing career (you don't need it) and any other venture you seek. Give your family my love, and I still plan to get your brother out of a plane. I'll just send money in the mail I suppose. He needs an adventure more than anyone. Let him know if he ever thinks of something he would like to try even if he thinks he may not be able to do it, to give me a call and I will do everything in my power to make it happen. He needs something more than a computer and I'll do anything I can to help him with whatever he thinks up. Take care, and still know if you ever really need someone to talk to I will be happy to forget forgetting for a moment and try to help.

Always,
David